I do not miss you. I am so sorry to say because I know deep down inside you are a good man. I know you would do anything to help an individual in need because I have seen you do it. But, I do not miss you.

I remember the time you asked me if I thought you were a bully. I lied and said, “No, I didn’t say that.” I did not want to hurt your feelings. Never mind my feelings.

I do not miss the hell you put me through when you made me feel like my job was on the line every day. NOTHING was good enough for you. If if were not for the grace of God…..You have no idea. I know a couple of things that you have been through in your life but I know there is so much left out. I can not imagine the pain you went through as a child. I hope you have sought and received the help you so desperately needed when I worked for you.

I have never prayed so much for someone in all my life. I know my experience working for you brought me closer to The Lord. I know I almost ended my life because I did not know how much more I could take but somehow God kept me from doing it. I also know that my past experiences had an affect on how I dealt with you. I believe your past experiences had an effect on how you dealt with me and others. You know there were others.

Do you know you wrote me up at least 30 times while I worked for you? Silly write ups. Any opportunity or excuse you had to write me up, you jumped at the chance. Do you remember the time you wrote me up on Thanksgiving?  Do you remember all the times you called me out in front of inmates? Do you know how many offers I got from them to beat the living hell out of you? I covered you. Two wrongs do not make a right. Do you remember that woman we worked with? You bullied her too. She did everything she could to keep you off of her and on me. I do not remember how many times she threw me under your bus. She has since apologized.

Do you know how many nightmares I have had about you? Do you know that the stress I was under because of your workplace bullying caused me to completely shut down. I dropped out of college six credits shy of my Associates degree because I was depleted mentally. Do you remember calling your boss because you found my note? The book you found was my little vent book. It helps to write things down…get it out.. My therapist suggested it. I did not mean for you to find it. I thought I was the problem and I did my best every day that I came to work. I wanted to die every time I made a mistake because I knew that “all hell was going to break loose.” I am curious to know what your boss thought when you called him and told him that one of your employees was thinking of committing suicide because of the way you treat her…I’m not sure what you said to him.

You improved after that… You were even kinder. I just can not shake these nightmares. I want you to know that even after all that has taken place, I care about you as a person and I hope that you get the help that you need if you have not done so.

Eventually you moved to another facility and I heard you were getting a “taste of your own medicine.” I did not feel gladness when I found this out but I felt like you only needed help. I hope and pray that you have received the help you so desperately needed. I want you to know that I forgive you wholeheartedly but I need the nightmares to end. I’m tired of dreaming about that place and I’m tired of dreaming about you.

I wish you the Love of God and His best for you.

 

 

I’m Never Going Back

July 23, 2016

I had another nightmare last night about my old job. I was back…I was there to help out because they needed it.

I used to work in correctional food service. I’ve worked as a corrections officer and after some time, I went to work in the kitchen because it paid more money. I ended up working as a food service supervisor in a prison for several years. Sometimes the job was good, sometimes the job was a nightmare from hell.

Some times in correctional food service, employees find they do not have enough inmate help to get the work done in the required deadline. It’s ridiculous. I worked for a food service company that was contracted by a private corrections company which operated a prison facility for The Texas Department of Criminal Justice. Often, we did not have enough inmate worker help in our kitchen to get the job done. This was my dream. I dreamed that I went to help them out because they were so short handed on employees and the employees they had were exhausted. I went in and there was an employee who didn’t know anything. He was pulling pans of left over food to put on the line to serve in a meal that was not even on the menu.  The food was cold, some was was not even cooked.  was a complete disaster. There were inmates refusing to work. In my mind, I could not blame them. I had figured out that this meal was going to put the next meal behind.

I cried out to God. “God help me!” Much like I used to cry out to Him when I worked there… In the open in front of inmates. I did not care what anyone thought.

I finally woke… Thank God! I awoke thankful that I am in a good place now. I have been for 2 years. I didn’t realize at the time of my employment that I had PTSD from some events that happened over 25 years ago while I was in the service. This had an affect on how I handled situations while at this job.

I have had other dreams but thankfully I am forgetting them when I wake.

 

 

Well folks, I have to admit that I’ve been having a lousy attitude lately. It’s time for an attitude adjustment. Who’s with me?

The best way to give yourself an attitude adjustment is to arrange for time off. I won’t be able to get any vacation until after October so a weekend will have to do. The next thing is arrange for a good cleaning of your home. This will increase your attitude by at least 25%. After that, hit the road or the lake. Camping sounds nice. I’d love to just spend the night in the fresh air. I would love to get a week of it but one night or two is better than nothing. This should bring your attitude up another 25%. If you can get out on the lake, go for it. If not, maybe a swim and some hiking out in nature will bring the attitude up another 25%.

I’ve been working and am in school online for the next couple of years. I don’t want to fall in to a pit so I’m planning something pretty quick. I need nature and I need it now. I’m having picnic, campfire, smores, stars and great conversation withdrawals.

Who else wants an attitude adjustment?

I have something I want to share with whoever is willing to read this. We are people. We all feel love. When someone hugs us, it feels good. We all feel the same emotions. When someone hurts us, we feel sadness. Often we become angry. When we hear something funny, we laugh. When we are fond of someone, we get butterflies in our stomach. What a sweet feeling.

We love getting together with the people we love. We all love good food. We may all not like the same food, but we all love what is good to us. How many people from different backgrounds and with different beliefs love the taste of fresh coffee in the morning? How many of us with different skin tones would love to spend a week in the mountains or on the beach? How many of us enjoy a good dinner and a movie? We love the feeling of having an arm around us or even our hand held.

How many of us, from different backgrounds and cultures love our children, and want what is best for them? We want them to make the right choices. We want them to get a good education. We want our children to fall in love and have their own families. We want our children to find joy. Many of us want our children to fulfill the purpose that God set forth for them. How many of us, from different cultures and backgrounds remember the stories our grandparents told us about when they were young? Does anyone remember the one about how they walked many miles in the snow and barefoot to get to school?

How many of us have known fear? When a loved one was sick and we thought they were going to die, we felt the same emotions. When we succeeded at some milestone in life we felt pride in ourselves and joy. We all get scared in a way when we ride a new ride at an amusement park. Despite our differences, we love our favorite songs. We don’t have the same favorite song, but I bet we each have a favorite song.

How many of us are excited when we see new life? When a baby is born, we just want to kiss his or her face because he or she is just so precious. When that same baby has a dirty diaper, we hand it back to mom because we all know, poop stinks.

We have more in common than we have differences. Why are we focusing on our differences??? Can we just be different? Can we respect each other? Can we calm down as a nation and take a breath? Can we let the Justice system handle those who have done wrong?

Can we quit being so hateful to each other and try showing each other some love? It’s amazing what you find out about a person when you ask, “With all due respect, may I ask why you feel the way that you do?” People have many opinions and beliefs partly because of what they have been through. Can we stop being prejudice? We all have been guilty of this. I’ve noticed that when I’m nice to someone, they s are usually nice back.

I want to say that it is okay to be kind to someone. It is okay to be good to someone. If you have anyone that you really don’t like or care for their beliefs or culture, just be kind to them. You will be surprised what the kindness will do for that individual and for you.