I do not miss you. I am so sorry to say because I know deep down inside you are a good man. I know you would do anything to help an individual in need because I have seen you do it. But, I do not miss you.

I remember the time you asked me if I thought you were a bully. I lied and said, “No, I didn’t say that.” I did not want to hurt your feelings. Never mind my feelings.

I do not miss the hell you put me through when you made me feel like my job was on the line every day. NOTHING was good enough for you. If if were not for the grace of God…..You have no idea. I know a couple of things that you have been through in your life but I know there is so much left out. I can not imagine the pain you went through as a child. I hope you have sought and received the help you so desperately needed when I worked for you.

I have never prayed so much for someone in all my life. I know my experience working for you brought me closer to The Lord. I know I almost ended my life because I did not know how much more I could take but somehow God kept me from doing it. I also know that my past experiences had an affect on how I dealt with you. I believe your past experiences had an effect on how you dealt with me and others. You know there were others.

Do you know you wrote me up at least 30 times while I worked for you? Silly write ups. Any opportunity or excuse you had to write me up, you jumped at the chance. Do you remember the time you wrote me up on Thanksgiving?  Do you remember all the times you called me out in front of inmates? Do you know how many offers I got from them to beat the living hell out of you? I covered you. Two wrongs do not make a right. Do you remember that woman we worked with? You bullied her too. She did everything she could to keep you off of her and on me. I do not remember how many times she threw me under your bus. She has since apologized.

Do you know how many nightmares I have had about you? Do you know that the stress I was under because of your workplace bullying caused me to completely shut down. I dropped out of college six credits shy of my Associates degree because I was depleted mentally. Do you remember calling your boss because you found my note? The book you found was my little vent book. It helps to write things down…get it out.. My therapist suggested it. I did not mean for you to find it. I thought I was the problem and I did my best every day that I came to work. I wanted to die every time I made a mistake because I knew that “all hell was going to break loose.” I am curious to know what your boss thought when you called him and told him that one of your employees was thinking of committing suicide because of the way you treat her…I’m not sure what you said to him.

You improved after that… You were even kinder. I just can not shake these nightmares. I want you to know that even after all that has taken place, I care about you as a person and I hope that you get the help that you need if you have not done so.

Eventually you moved to another facility and I heard you were getting a “taste of your own medicine.” I did not feel gladness when I found this out but I felt like you only needed help. I hope and pray that you have received the help you so desperately needed. I want you to know that I forgive you wholeheartedly but I need the nightmares to end. I’m tired of dreaming about that place and I’m tired of dreaming about you.

I wish you the Love of God and His best for you.

 

 

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